>> stephanie: hello, good morning current tv land. jacki schechner you missed that jim just literally copped a feel. >> well, she spilled coffee on her shirt so she had to turn it around and she was being strangled by her own security badge. i helpfully maneuvered it around to the front of her body. >> stephanie: totally inadvertently. >> inadvertent contact. >> it is not a particularly tight t-shirt today. >> stephanie: no but i spilled coffee down the back so i had to change over there in the corner.

>> about 30 seconds ago. [ laughter ] >> stephanie: you know what it is? we're in grief over the death of comedy this morning over -- michele bachmann. >> huge news to wake up to. >> stephanie: retiring. to spend more time with her husband. with her family. >> we need something to talk about. >> stephanie: sorry. it is grief that made me do that with jim. here she is, jacki schechner. >> good morning everybody. yes, the big news is that michele bachmann has just announced she's not seeking re-election. i'll let her tell you myself. >> my good friends after a great deal of thought and deliberation, i have decided next year i will not seek a fifth congressional term to represent the wonderful people of the sixth district of minnesota. after serious consideration i am confident that this is the right decision. >> bachmann goes on to say this isn't because she doesn't think she can't win and it has nothing to do with the fact that officials are investigating her

former presidential campaign and staffers for ethics violations. just last week, democrat jim graves who lost to bachmann in the last election by just 4300 votes announced his intentions to run against her again next year. and the minneapolis "star tribune" reported about ten days ago that the fbi is now looking into bachmann's presidential campaign activity. bachmann instead says that this is all because she feels eight years in congress is plenty. she also believes of course that eight minutes is exactly what she needs to tell you about her personal accomplishments and her disdain for the current administration and its policies. i watched the whole video so you don't have to. are you very welcome. bachmann says she expects the media will put a detrimental and dishonest spin on her decision not to run for office again. she goes on to thank her husband, marcus, her family, her supporters and of course, god.

we'll be back with more show after the break. stay with us. very very excited about that and very proud of that. beltway politics from inside the loop. we tackle the big issues from inside our nation's capital, around the country and around the globe. >> bill press opens current's morning news block. >> we'll do our best to carry the flag from six to nine every morning. >> think conservatives have a stranglehold on the morning news? bill press invites you to think again as he tackles the hot issues on capital hill and beyond. >> just bringing you exactly what's happening in politics today by people who have a lot of experience, who know what's going on and who know what they're talking about. i'll tell you what energizes me to get up every morning is to get the first crack at the news, the first crack at the newsmakers. i know this stuff, i know what i'm talking about and i love it and i try to bring that to the

show. only on current tv. [ male announcer ] this is the age of knowing what you're made of. why let erectile dysfunction get in your way? talk to your doctor about viagra. ask if your heart is healthy enough for sex. do not take viagra if you take nitrates for chest pain; it may cause an unsafe drop in blood pressure. side effects include headache, flushing upset stomach, and abnormal vision. to avoid long-term injury, seek immediate medical help for an erection lasting more than four hours. stop taking viagra and call your doctor right away if you experience a sudden decrease or loss in vision or hearing. this is the age of taking action. viagra. talk to your doctor.

cenk off air alright in 15 minutes we're going to do the young turks! i think the number 1 thing than viewers like about the young turks is that were honest. they know that i'm not bsing them for some hidden agenda, actually supporting one party or the other. when the democrats are wrong, they know i'm going to be the first one to call them out. cenk on air>> what's unacceptable is how washington continues to screw the middle class over. cenk off air i don't want the middle class taking the brunt of the spending cuts and all the different programs that wind up hurting the middle class. cenk on air you got to go to the local level, the state level and sure they can't buy our politics anymore. cenk off air and they can question if i'm right about that. but i think the audience gets that, i actually mean it. cenk on air 3 trillion dollars in spending cuts! narrator uniquely progressive and always topical the worlds largest online news show is on current tv. cenk off air

and i think the audience gets, "this guys to best of his abilities is trying to look out for us." only on current tv! >> stephanie: welcome to the first day of death of comedy, ladies and gentlemen. michele bachmann congresswoman from minnesota is retiring. >> my good friends after a great deal of thought and deliberation, i have decided next year, i will not seek a fifth congressional term to represent the wonderful people of the sixth district of minnesota. after serious consideration i am confident that this is the right decision. >> is that what jehovah god told you? >> we are in the last days.

your jehovah god. >> oh, jehovah god. >> stephanie: what is that knocking? marcus trying to get out of the closet? oh, no, it is the fbi. it has nothing to do with that. [ ♪ circus ♪ ] >> investigations. even though i have -- >> humina, humina, humina. >> oh lord. >> stephanie: oh, jehovah god. >> can't you make marcus like girls just a little bit. >> stephanie: jehovah god could make marcus -- why can't he make the fbi go away? okay. i'm sorry. jim and i are a little -- we were telling jacki at the top of the hour, jim has copped a feel because i spilled coffee on the back of my shirt. the morning michele bachmann -- that [ bleep ] crazy michele bachmann retires i spilled coffee all over the back so i had to turn my shirt around and i got strangled by my security badge. >> i untangled it. >> stephanie: jim not used to helping a woman put her clothes on, was a little clumsy and

copped an inadvertent feel. >> there was nothing inadvertent about that. >> stephanie: he's very ham-handed. like he's wearing hockey gloves. paw, paw. you can understand our grief. anybody in the comedy world is really -- we have to say good-bye to the crazy train. >> michele bachmann, is someone hitting the tides tonight. >> my name is michele bachmann. ♪ >> i am not here as anybody's judge. >> are they pro america or anti-america? >> i am not here as anybody's judge. >> what is it that barack obama really believes? >> my name is michele bachmann.

>> these are very strange anti-american messages. >> i know that my heart is right. because my heart is for you. ♪ going off the rail on the crazy train ♪ ♪ she's going off the rail on the crazy train ♪ >> i am not here as anybody's judge. we are in the last days. >> stephanie: yeah! audra whipping out an oldy but a goody. we forgot about crazy train. as most politicians, of course, she has to spend more time with her husband. >> sure. >> stephanie: for those of you not watching tv, they are air quotes. >> more time at fire island. there are a lot of barbarians there. >> stephanie: isn't that going to be the horrible irony.

just when she quits to spend more time with her husband he has a thing with a guy at fire island. i wonder how marcus feels this morning. ♪ i'm super thanks for asking ♪ ♪ all things considered, i could be better, i must say ♪ ♪ i'm feeling super nothing bugs me ♪ ♪ everything is super when you don't think i look cute in this hat ♪ >> stephanie: yeah. [ applause ] i'm sure it has nothing to do with the giant fbi cartoon hand knocking at the door, investigating. [knock at door] >> stephanie: marcus, what is that? >> nobody here but us chickens. we're not home. [knock at door] >> stephanie: surprising visitors, people who look like they're in the village people. marcus, it's for you. >> it's that cop again.

>> something for the indian. >> stephanie: construction guy is here. i have a hearing. i'm sorry. fbi for me? uh-oh. [ ♪ dramatic ♪ ] one of my favorite statements ever -- nothing whatsoever to do with the fact that they're messing around in my campaign finances. >> i just made a decision with jehovah god that my place is somewhere not on television. and somewhere not within the reach of the fbi. no, that's not what it is at all. >> stephanie: another dream has died for stephanie miller, right? >> she's not going anywhere. >> stephanie: no debate with sarah palin. although maybe she'll get going again to run for president. why not? you don't need to be weighted down by congress to run for president. she's qualified all on her own. >> by the way, at the beginning of next hour -- >> thanks for meeting me here,

sara at plymouth rock in south carolina. >> next hour, we have jim gravings, her opponent. >> stephanie: oh, yippee! nothing to do with that. >> not at all. >> stephanie: either tied or ahead? in the polling in minnesota. that and of course, who's that? >> an hour from now we'll be talking to him. [knock at door] >> stephanie: it may not be quite as easy when you have to follow campaign finance rules and gay stuff like that. sorry, marcus. [ buzzer ] >> stephanie: well that just does it. bob dole, as you know, bob dole announced that bob dole thinks that -- >> bob dole think bob dole -- >> stephanie: this is not bob dole's republican party anymore. >> bob dole think they're a bunch of fruitcakes. >> stephanie: bob dole has essentially announced the death of the republican party.

>> tea goes with fruitcake. >> stephanie: now michele bachmann has announced the death of comedy. that leads us to rocky mountain mike and mary in ann arbor -- it is an ode to billy bob's g.o.p. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ and then he said i got the news this morning ♪ ♪ today mitch mcconnell fix

my crappy bridge ♪ ♪ tea party politics has run us off into a ditch ♪ ♪ muddy water off my aging crappy bridge ♪ >> yeah. she's got a great voice. >> stephanie: she does. rocky mountain mike, of course. yahoo. >> woot. >> stephanie: indeed. they're trying to fill the dirt of comedy left, the giant vacuum left by michele bachmann. oh golly what's next for her? one only wonders. by the way, speaking of bridges falling and things like that, we were talking about this yesterday. someone sent me -- forgot about this one. [ ♪ "nbc nightly news" ♪ ]

washington's literal sinkhole. there is a sinkhole. >> like blocks from the white house. >> stephanie: right? somebody trying to send a message? jehovah god perhaps? sinkhole in our idiotic fixation with deficits. >> it was built on a swamp. >> i was going to say that. >> stephanie: on tuesday a sinkhole suddenly sank in washington, d.c. three blocks from the white house. not a metaphor but a massive hole in the road as long as a ford explorer, double the widthth of a train car and 17 feet deep. routed around potholes in the street and collapsed over a sewer line laid in 1897. good thing we're keeping our infrastructure magically up to date. [ ♪ magic wand ♪ ] it is fine for horse and buggies. it can withstand that. the sinkhole will take several days to repair. there is idiocy about our politics that is stupifying. we're watching and suffering as our nation disbeg vates.

-- disintegrates. bridge faws every other day. our sewage systems are overwhelmed by normal use and collapse in the extreme weather that's become the national norm. sinkholes are becoming a life-threatening peril. >> oh, god. >> stephanie: welcome to austerity. isn't it great everybody? we don't have money for infrastructure. [ ♪ magic wand ♪ ] at the same time, over 20 million people are in need of full time work. the construction industry has still not recovered from the housing collapse. the federal government can borrow money at interest rates near zero. is there a better time? money is so cheap and yet -- >> i don't know. zero. that's too steep for me. >> stephanie: it is outrageous. i won't pay it. instead of grab being this opportunity to rebuild our country, washington is focused on cutting budget and cuts jobs. >> thank you mitch mcconnell. >> stephanie: the article finishes, this is literally a no-brainer. when the president imposes a

modest improvement it is dead on arrival. which is why bob dole is not a fan of bob dole's old republican party. >> bob dole doesn't belong to today's republican party. bob dole is going to move to mars. >> stephanie: the elder statesmen, meanwhile, at the republican party are busy doddering off into syria. [ ♪ "nbc nightly news" ♪ ] this is my favorite. my favorite headline from the onion. family concerned after john mccain wanders into syria. members of john mccain's family expressed deep concern tuesday after receiving word the aging legislator had wandered off into syria. unfortunately, this has been happening a lot lately. he'll walk out of the capitol building and learn he's in syria. said cindy learning he turned up in syria after delivering a rambling incoherent speech to a group of rebels then one of us has to go to syria and pick him up. we have to decide what to do about this before he seriously hurts himself.

thank you onion. he was where hillary? >> turkey? >> stephanie: you were where? john, how did get to -- >> turkey? >> stephanie: we need to mike rechip him. >> need to put a shock collar on him so he doesn't wander past a certain parameter. >> stephanie: turkey, too far! here, have a snausage. all right. 18 minutes after the hour. we got sexy liberal hal sparks. we have jim graves, future congressperson from the great state of minnesota as we continue on "the stephanie miller show." >> announcer: there's a tea party in her pants and you're invited. call right now 1-800-steph-12.

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♪ ♪ you don't have to be beautiful ♪ ♪ to turn -- >> stephanie miller. ♪ on ♪ ♪ i just want your kiss ♪ >> stephanie: it is "the stephanie miller show." 23 minutes after the hour. 1-800-steph-12 the phone number toll free from anywhere. sexy liberal hal sparks in for hump days with hal hour number three. dana from maryland, you're on the "the stephanie miller show." >> caller: good morning, you guys. how are you? >> stephanie: good. go ahead. >> caller: yeah, no, i just wanted to talk about bob dole, also. and you know, i watched rachel last night and she had a brilliant piece and steve schmidt was on and he was basically essentially saying the

same thing that they're just -- they're just out of touch. they're off the cliff. >> stephanie: dana, a lot of people have said it, including me but you know, i have to say didn't you feel sad watching bob dole? not just his age but remembering -- >> he's looking frail. >> stephanie: remembering -- remember he went to the senate floor? >> caller: he was on the floor. they downed his bill or whatever. >> stephanie: decorated war hero. barely out of the hospital and he makes it to the senate floor for them to disrespect him in that manner. >> caller: i know. it is disgusting. not only that, you know, i mean rachel reminded us, you know, those of us who don't remember, you go to the dole/kemp web site, it is still there. >> it is. it is like a relic of the 1990s. >> caller: you look at it like he still wanted to give food stamps to people. he wanted to give jobs to veterans. you know, all of these things that they wanted to help people and work together. i'm so tired of everyone blaming

obama. even my friends who are liberals, democratic to liberal you know, he's a this, he's a that, he's a liar, you know. to me, he's handcuffed. >> stephanie: yeah. >> caller: what is he supposed to do? >> stephanie: and you think like -- the saddest part, dana is what he said won't resonate at all with today's republicans. if they can vote down a bill to help veterans in front of him on the senate floor -- >> caller: right! that's the thing! i think that they are just -- they hate obama more than they want to work. and i just think that's the bottom line. >> stephanie: don't you think any normal humans that should resonate with them what bob dole is saying? >> caller: it resonated with me. >> left an arm on the battlefield, practically. >> caller: definitely resonated with me. i thought that was a horrific day. it still operation my heart. thinking yesterday i just get so sad when i think about what is happening in this country.

and like i said before, i have a 10-year-old, what's going to happen to him? >> stephanie: i was watching chris matthews yesterday. he obviously has a sense of that. he worked with tip o'neil. he was talking about those more -- >> caller: he gets exasperated. i do love him. >> stephanie: he was talking about the human moments between tip o'neill and ronald reagan. drinking coffee for three hours. they used to talk like humans, you know what i mean? >> caller: exactly. and michael was saying how you know, if obama had a cumbaya moment, he gets blasted. there's nothing you can do. >> stephanie: honestly, dana, that's why it was refreshing watching him with christie yesterday. they seem more like humans. throwing the football and laughing. >> caller: no question about it. there's no question about it. i really have a fear and this is

the reason i watch you guys and now i'm friends with audra on facebook which is -- this is how we all make friends through you guys. i really hope you understand how much you bring people together. >> stephanie: oh, i don't know about that. i couldn't be more personally divisive could i? >> caller: my husband was watching with me yesterday and just thinks jim is just like roll on the floor hilarious. >> stephanie: he's the shizzle. >> caller: not to be scared. how do you not let politics run your life? >> stephanie: dana, my point is i think that is what warms a lot of people's heart. even though we don't agree with chris christie on a lot of things that's two guys being human. you know who demonizes -- >> caller: it is his job. >> stephanie: you know who demonizes stuff like that is the rush limbaughs of the world. it is a master slave relationship. christie needs money and so he's there --

>> caller: somebody else called it a gay relationship. you know, they're so sick. they're just so beyond it. >> stephanie: you go to me, it looked like two human beings coming together in the wake of an area where people have suffered so greatly and they're just going look at what we did. we worked together. >> caller: obama is there to give his best. the same as he was in oklahoma. but there's nothing he can do. >> stephanie: as competitive as i am, i didn't mind that chris christie threw the football better. it was like a jersey moment. bam! >> caller: i hate to sound conspiracy-like but i think that this whole i.r.s. and all of this other scandal nonsense, i think they're throwing it out there for 2014. >> stephanie: yeah. >> caller: because they're petrified of losing, you know. now harry reid is back -- really? >> stephanie: did you see that? other thing rush said, he was talking about the i.r.s. -- it worked. that's how they won the

election. not one group was denied tax-exempt status. he was trying to say that's how the tea party was undercut and how obama won. what? >> caller: now john boehner, we need to keep trying to overturn obamacare. oh god. and that's what i mean. how do you calm them down? >> stephanie: the most important thing bob dole said was cloture is being abused. >> caller: right. now we're back to the filibuster. let's use the word "nuclear." can we use a more mellow word? i don't like him. he's annoying. i think he needs to go. my last point is what is your position on eric holder? >> stephanie: well, i'll talk about that when we get back. yeah, honey, i think that should be who's going to jail because we want to see john boehner in an orange jumpsuit. 29 minutes after the hour. right back on "the stephanie miller show."

to me now? you know the kind of guys that do reverse mortgage commercials? those types are coming on to me all the time now. (vo) she gets the comedians laughing and the thinkers thinking. >>ok, so there's wiggle room in the ten commandments, that's what you're saying. you would rather deal with ahmadinejad than me. >>absolutely. >> and so would mitt romney. (vo) she's joy behar. >>and the best part is that current will let me say anything. what the hell were they thinking?

very very excited about that and very proud of that. beltway politics from inside the loop. we tackle the big issues from inside our nation's capital, around the country and around the globe. >> bill press opens current's morning news block. >> we'll do our best to carry the flag from six to nine every morning. >> think conservatives have a stranglehold on the morning news? bill press invites you to think again as he tackles the hot issues on capital hill and beyond. >> just bringing you exactly what's happening in politics today by people who have a lot of experience, who know what's going on and who know what they're talking about. i'll tell you what energizes me to get up every morning is to get the first crack at the news, the first crack at the newsmakers. i know this stuff, i know what i'm talking about and i love it and i try to bring that to the show. only on current tv.

>> announcer: stephanie miller. >> she's a little bit older and very gentle. >> she's blind in one eye. >> maybe i should let her ride me. >> stephanie: it is "the stephanie miller show." now with 40% more -- >> chutzpah. >> stephanie: right. somebody's gotta fill the chutzpah void for michele bachmann. such a sad day. 34 minutes after the hour. 1-800-steph-12 the phone number. thomas in texas. hi tom. hi. >> caller: i just want to say i'm not going to miss her screechy whiny nasally fingernails on a chalk board voice talking about obama and

benghazi. >> stephanie: you're not a comedian. feel my pain, thomas. really? >> caller: the thing about it is she won't be in a position of power. we'll hear from her. >> stephanie: that's true. >> caller: don't worry about that. i'm wondering if there is something else to the story. she doesn't say why she's quitting. >> stephanie: oh, please, it is because the fbi just got involved with the investigation into her campaign finances. >> she's also cashing in. she's going to become a lobbyist. >> caller: she didn't say that. >> stephanie: i know. i'm sure it had nothing to do with it. look over there. look at the shiny key. fbi? why would that have anything to do with it? that's crazy. [ cuckoo clock chimes ] >> at least marcus will get his pantsuits back. >> stephanie: more time to shop for fant suits with her husband. okay. if you think that's not the reason, you're a bastard person and we hate you and your ass face. >> work tirelessly until slavery was no more. ♪ here she comes now saying more baloney ♪ >> carbon dioxide is a harmless

gas ♪ everything she says is more baloney ♪ >> if you're involved in the gay community, that's bondage ♪ >> jehovah god. ♪ we're running out of rich people ♪ >> i way not always get my words right -- chutzpah. chutzpah. chutzpah. >> happy birthday to elvis presley today. >> we'll keep work and we'll get her done. >> stephanie: thanks for meeting me here at the liberty bell in iowa where elvis killed john wayne gacy on the toilet. >> i'll tell you why i can't put up with you people because you're bastard people. >> stephanie: mm-hmm. i can't remember that one.

power of eerie ring those bells. >> stephanie: shut up, marcus. >> she said that water from iowa was the -- in iowa, it was the bit place of john wayne. >> stephanie: he rang them bells. >> he didn't ring bells. he rode a horse. >> stephanie: that whole story. everyone will have their favorite michele bachmann moment. richard in pennsylvania, how about you? hello, richard. >> caller: good morning. >> stephanie: good morning. >> caller: when michelle said she doesn't believe people should serve more than eight years, does the same logic apply to boehner and cantor, does she feel they shouldn't be in congress? >> stephanie: she she take pals with her? or send the fbi to check out their finances? >> caller: i'm going to miss her. she's good for a lot of laughs. >> stephanie: i remembered my other favorite moment. remember when she was hiding in the bushes outside the gay rights rally? and as i tried to help -- i said

not a bush and not a good hiding place at a lesbian event. i was trying to be helpful because i'm a helper. >> and you're a lesbian. >> stephanie: she's like crouching like they won't see her. oh, i know. the other thing is she freaked out in the bathroom. because two middle-aged i guess lesbians came in the bathroom at the same time and she ran out screaming. they tried to grab her boob. they didn't. they just wanted to talk with her about legislation. she was spinning on her back in the parking lot. >> michele will be home a lot more so marcus better hide the porn. >> you know, michele i'm having a little soiree, do you think maybe you can -- take off for a couple of days.

>> stephanie: marcus, stop it. >> dancing in his tighty whities like tom cruise. >> stephanie: i'm trying to get a lobbyist job. the door is almost coming off its hinges. >> i'm a barbarian, discipline me. >> oh, god. >> stephanie: marcus, get down! >> can't you turn it down? >> stephanie: okay. see ya at lunch at macy's to buy pantsuits. ♪ >> stephanie: all right. i sense i'm going to be cracking myself up all morning. >> see, her retirement isn't so bad. >> stephanie: oh golly, now it's fun. >> it will be like the liberace movie. >> stephanie: the candelabra. >> that scene -- >> stephanie: michael douglas can play him. >> the scene where he went into

the sex club and full-on mint coat. >> stephanie: no one will notice me. hi lynnwood. >> caller: guys, i'm watching the show on current. i do it every morning. >> stephanie: thank you. >> caller: you're welcome. the thing about the michele bachmann thing this is all coming as a shock to me because i've been in school studying my subject matter. trying to get a political science degree. but this has caught me by surprise. she's resigning from congress. there has to be two reasons behind it. >> she's not resigning she's just not going to run again. she's not quitting in the middle of her term like sarah palin did. >> stephanie: she needs to spend more time with her husband who is insatiable. >> caller: i'm looking at some -- is it that she can't win her district anymore or is she under investigation for some sort of scandal? >> stephanie: it is for campaign finance for both. latest polling is not good and

also she's being investigated. the fbi joined the investigation which means it is more serious than just the fcc. >> caller: second thing i want to talk about is the president. it is clear he's going to have to fight to hell to get his judges appointed. but he needs to have a little bit more vote. i'm not saying he doesn't have a backbone but i think he's not out there enough really saying you know what? i'm sick of these guys. i'm trying to legislate this country here. i'm trying to govern this country but that's guys want to play politics. get me a new congress and we'll get things done. >> stephanie: he can do that but it is not election season yet. what are you going to do? i think he has said that. >> caller: i would be strong -- he's not going to get anything done in this term. he's a lame duck president. >> stephanie: he's not going to get anything done in this term because everything bob dole talked about. because they're not getting anything done at all. it is not even aversion of congress -- it is not even a

version of congress he recognizes. >> they just want to be an anchor around obama's neck. >> stephanie: by the way did you see this? [ ♪ "nbc nightly news" ♪ ] obama officially the worst socialist ever? rachel put this up behind her blog. >> ask bernie sanders. >> stephanie: right. wall street's major indexes soared after u.s. home prices -- best annual rise in seven years. consumer confidence got another boost. all-time high. the change in the s&p 500 under each president president obama up 105%. annualized change is 818% -- is 18% up. by way of recent historical comparison. >> what a communist. >> stephanie: total change for george w. bush, minus 40. annualized change, minus 6.2. let's review. [ ♪ "jeopardy" theme ♪ ] for president obama up 105%.

there's the whole list of all of the presidents in all the world. the worst socialist ever. i bring you president barack obama. by the way can you tell how bad politics has gotten? i found it so refreshing that chris christie said it is my honor to introduce to you the president of the united states of america. i'm so used to people going obama or thinking it is okay and i thought that's the way you're supposed to introduce -- even that seemed civil, the way you're supposed to introduce the president. of the united states. no matter what -- anyway. okay. it sounded refreshing. >> listener jeremy in minnesota has a prediction. he says that michele bachmann is going to try to run for senate against al franken. >> stephanie: oh for god's sake. that's good for comedy. okay. tim in cleveland. you're on "the stephanie miller show." hi tim. >> caller: hey, listen, i wanted to touch on bob dole a little bit. you know, you do feel sorry for him, in a way. you couldn't help but feel sorry

but the reality is he is now living with the monster that he created. >> stephanie: how so? >> caller: he helped lay that ground work. he mr. reagan, they all ushered in the ultra crazies that helped to give them power within the party. >> stephanie: i don't get that. >> caller: you really don't think that the bob doles -- did anything to -- >> stephanie: no, he was a moderate. >> bob dole actually proposed something similar to obamacare back in the early '90s. >> caller: i'm not talking about single individual issues. i'm talking about in total in his pattern. >> stephanie: tim, he was talking about it. he's an eisenhower republican. that's my dad's era. i think that's right. that's what jim is alluding to is they were really so moderate. you know this party -- moved so far to the right. >> colleagues, not adversaries. >> it is bob dole's plan. that's what our point is.

by the way in this -- the stock market piece, i was -- [ ♪ "nbc nightly news" ♪ ] do they ever go back and ask these people, we reminisce about what obama's republican critics were saying in early 2009, indeed, the "wall street journal" ran an entire editorial arguing the weak stock market was a direct result of them evaluating mr. obama's agenda and his approach to governess. where is the followup piece saying oh, we're sorry stock market the highest of any president ever. >> look over there! >> stephanie: karl rove and you won't dobbs made the -- and lou dobbs made the same case. it was one of mitt romney's favorite talking points. [ crickets chirping ] anybody have a thought on that? think -- any thoughts on the state of the stock market? >> shut up! i hate you. >> stephanie: now it's not important anymore. whatever. >> i hate you and i hate your ass face. >> stephanie: 45 minutes after the hour. right back on "the stephanie miller show." >> a mecca of misdemeanors.

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♪ >> announcer: stephanie miller. >> stephanie: i don't know, someone should check and see if matt damon is able to play marcus bachmann behind the candelabra. okay. 50 minutes after the hour.

>> i wonder if marcus has chinchilla undershorts. it wouldn't surprise me a bit. >> stephanie: another one lives. >> maybe reynolds can play marcus' mother. >> stephanie: behind the congressional candidate. get to work. let's go! i'm just an idea person. i'm not an executor. >> probably going to be on snl. >> it ended for the season. >> stephanie: oh really? someone is going to do that joke, i'm telling you right now. okay. mary in minnesota. mourning the death of comedy this morning as well. hello, mary. >> caller: hi, stephanie. i actually live in michele bachmann's district. and i also -- the hometown of gretchen carlson also. >> stephanie: oh, my goodness. >> caller: i have a couple of ideas why she's not running. i think she's scared jim graves is going to beat her. he's a very impressive candidate. he's a moderate democrat. >> stephanie: we're going to

have him on in just a bit. >> caller: can't wait to hear. >> stephanie: we had him on. he is really impressive. >> caller: he is. >> stephanie: when you're way down by -- weighed down by campaign finance rules and stuff, it can be a bother. >> caller: it is a number of factors. but i know she was good for a laugh and then we had a great time laughing about her hiding from the lesbians and all of that. we gotta let it go for stephanie for the good of the country. she's gotta go. we'll have to find something else to laugh about. >> stephanie: i would give anything to be a fly on the wall in the bathroom. hi michele we're constituents. we would like to talk to you about -- [ screaming ] >> caller: it was something. i think jim graves has a good chance to win. >> stephanie: i know. who's going to run against him do you think? >> caller: i don't know. nobody's really come forward yet. i think it is kind of a surprise. >> she announced it at 2:30 this

morning. >> stephanie: what was she doing up at that hour, really? marcus was getting home. >> caller: i hope that -- i kind of agree with jeremy. i hope she's not thinking of running against al franken but i think she would get beat in that too. he's a pretty popular senator here. >> stephanie: mary, thanks for calling. will you say you will to flee the interview? >> caller: okay. >> stephanie: she fleed the interview. >> looks like your accomplice there in the wood chipper. >> stephanie: who will run? that will be fun. let's go to -- but 2:30 in the morning. marcus just got home. she's like now i'm up. i might as well make this gol darn announcement. >> he was wearing his fur coat coming in from the club. >> stephanie: trailing glitter. >> glitter and vomit. [ laughter ] >> stephanie: like the scene

from behind the candelabra. my boyfriend matt damon decided to come home. let's go to mary in chicago. hi mary. >> caller: hi. how are you? >> stephanie: good. go ahead. >> caller: you know, i'll tell you, this has been hard on marcus. my daughter has a theory. >> stephanie: what's that? >> caller: he's helping out all of those folks. he's taking the gay rights from them. it is like an exorcism. he's not really gay. he's taking the gay right from them and internalizing it. >> he's borrowing it. >> caller: yeah, he's doing them a big service and he doesn't get a lot of credit for what he does. >> sucking the gay out of them. >> stephanie: in honor of gay marriage something borrowed, something blue [ bleep ] what? >> just something blue. >> stephanie: a couple of blue things. ♪ blue on blue ♪ >> stephanie: jay from wisconsin, you're on michele

bachmann. i can't stop myself. [ ♪ circus ♪ ] >> caller: good morning, love your show. >> stephanie: thank you. >> caller: just a couple of things on the michele bachmann thing. she runs against al franken she's going to get her clock cleaned. >> stephanie: the debate will literally look like an snl sketch. >> caller: does this sound familiar with her? another female politician who was a big quitter? >> stephanie: my dream guise of them debating presidential history. another one dice. >> caller: i think they should change the definition of hypocrite to republican politician. one more thing, talking about the teachers and the kids with the sexual abuse. i think it is unfortunate. one thing i want to know is where were the female teachers when i was in school. >> stephanie: you p-i-g. ryan in minneapolis.

>> caller: hey, guys, how are you doing? i love the show. >> stephanie: we're here to counsel you today minnesota. >> caller: it is a great day. i don't need counseling today. i ride home every day in a karlisening to jason lewis mr. right. the top story is raw milk because that means obama is doing a great job. the economy's kickin'. i love hearing about raw milk and global warming. >> stephanie: there you go. all right honey. kristen in madison you're on "the stephanie miller show." hi kristen. >> caller: i'm the official girl in madison who has an orgasm. >> stephanie: jim is up, so to speak. >> caller: anyways, i was counting on the guy before who was saying that -- not to say that obama doesn't have a backbone but obama doesn't have a backbone that it is not his thing at all. as far as i can see he's been making the speech every week or so for the past month but i'm thinking last month about the

number of congressmen who i've been getting e-mails from or who have been doing anything, it is pretty much republican, republican republican. mccain, with syria i think is admirable. >> stephanie: you think what's admirable? >> caller: that john mccain going to syria. >> stephanie: why is that admirable? i think it's treasonist. >> caller: him going there? i haven't looked all into it so don't get me on that one. >> stephanie: he went to syria and criticized the president's policy on syria. that seems a little treason. >> caller: what's a little treason. >> stephanie: among friends. >> caller: anyways, i can't think of democrat out there besides harry reid doing his mealy mouth thing every once in awhile and nancy pelosi. in terms of making news or being headlines or anything like that or coming out and putting new bills forward. i just hear about -- >> stephanie: how do you work

with their counterparts? how do you work with the republicans in congress? >> caller: i don't think working working with them is anything that's going to happen. but i don't think that's the game right now. i think the game is to show who's trying to do stuff for america. but i mean really -- >> stephanie: i think that's pretty clear. it is the president and democrats unfortunately. >> caller: it is definitely obama but in terms of congresspeople, democratic congresspeople, who do you hear about? we're talking about bachmann today and john mccain today. >> stephanie: because bachmann retired. you know who i love? keith ellison, for instance. great progressive. i just -- i would be incredibly frustrated being in congress right now. thank god there's no chance of that ever happening. >> too many skeletons in that closet. >> clackity, clackity, clackity. right back on "the stephanie miller show."

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>> stephanie: all right. hour number two. jacki schechner, would you like some ramen noodles and pretend you're back in college at the university of pennsylvania? >> no but i wanted to talk about behind the candelabra. >> stephanie: behind the congressional candelabra. >> i dvred it and i thought the cameos alone were worth it. rob lowe, kind of awesome. >> stephanie: someone has to tell me how they made his eyes look like that. it was hilarious.

and then i did not even know it was scott bakula. >> no way. >> you didn't recognize that nose. >> seriously, that was pretty obvious i thought. >> yeah. >> stephanie: i interviewed him on my ill-fated late night show. i didn't recognize him with all the whatever -- >> the chest hair and the chains. >> the handlebar mustache? >> stephanie: we'll watch it again and again and have a film festival at my house this weekend. >> sounds like a plan. >> stephanie: here she is, jacki schechner film crit knick the current news center. >> good morning, everybody. president obama heading home to chicago tonight to help fundraise for congressional democrats but when he turned up at a reception last night with lipstick on his collar, he wanted to make sure it didn't raise any eyebrows. >> obama: right there. look at this. [ laughter ] look at this. i just want everybody to witness. so i do not want to be in trouble with michelle.

that's why i'm calling you out. right in front of everybody. >> when he said auntie, he's referring to the aunt of "american idol" runner-up jessica sanchez. the two were at the white house last night for a celebration for asian-american and pacific islander heritage month. turns out three congressional hearings into poor decision making by i.r.s. employees, not enough. according to cnn this morning the house ways and means committee planning to hold another hearing on tuesday. reportedly with groups that were singled out by the i.r.s. a new "washington post" pew research poll shows 59% of americans believe that federal disaster aid should be allocated when needed and not have to be offset by cuts to other programs. this comes on the heels of oklahoma senator tom coburn reiterating his belief that giving federal money to states in the wake of natural disasters, even his own has to be offset by budget cuts elsewhere. we're back with more show for you after the break.

be sure to stick around. we'll see you on the other side. very very excited about that and very proud of that. beltway politics from inside the loop. we tackle the big issues from inside our nation's capital, around the country and around the globe. >> bill press opens current's morning news block. >> we'll do our best to carry the flag from six to nine every morning. >> think conservatives have a stranglehold on the morning news? bill press invites you to think again as he tackles the hot issues on capital hill and beyond. >> just bringing you exactly what's happening in politics today by people who have a lot of experience, who know what's going on and who know what they're talking about. i'll tell you what energizes me to get up every morning is to get the first crack at the news, the first crack at the newsmakers. i know this stuff, i know what i'm talking about and i love it and i try to bring that to the show.

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this show is about analyzing criticizing, and holding policy to the fire. are you encouraged by what you heard the president say the other night? is this personal, or is it political? a lot of my work happens by doing the things that i'm given to doing anyway, by staying in touch with everything that is going on politically and putting my own nuance on it. in reality it's not like they actually care. this is purely about political grandstanding. i've worn lots of hats, but i've always kept this going. i've been doing politics now for a dozen years. (vo) he's been called the epic politics man. he's michael shure and his arena is the war room. >> these republicans in congress that think the world ends at the atlantic ocean border and pacific ocean border. the bloggers and the people that are sort of compiling the best i do a lot of looking at those people as well. not only does senator rubio just care about rich people, but

somehow he thinks raising the minimum wage is a bad idea for the middle class. but we do care about them right? [ ♪ theme ♪ ] >> stephanie: yahoo. it is "the stephanie miller show." welcome to it. six minutes after the hour. future congressman jim graves from the great state of minnesota coming up. michele bachmann, i know, i know, i know. i have lost another comedy binky. she will not run again. has nothing to do with the giant fbi cartoon hand knocking at the door. 1-800-steph-12 the phone number toll free from anywhere. [knock at door] >> stephanie: there you go. nothing to do with them investigating her campaign finance. [ whatever! ] >> stephanie: stephaniemiller.com is the web

site. you can e-mail us all there chris lavoie, jim ward. good morning future congressman. >> good morning, stephanie, how are you doing? >> stephanie: i'm good sir. tragic news out of minnesota today, huh? >> it is a good day for america isn't it? >> stephanie: yeah. so jim, i know we've talked to you during the last cycle but the latest polling there was showing, you know, i believe either tied or you ahead right? >> no, we're ahead. definitely, we're ahead and that's the reason cut out all of the spin, that's why michele bachmann stepped out. she did not have a pathway to victory. she knew it and she had to exit early before she would get more embarrassed. >> stephanie: well, jim, the other thing is it is not insignificant. she was already being investigated by the s.e.c. but the latest word is the fbi is involved. correct? >> yeah, we haven't gotten too involved in that. i'm sure that's a serious distraction for her. you know what i mean? but we're letting that

bipartisan -- we've always said it is the truth that will set you free or otherwise. we'll let that play out. but i think that may have been -- you know, additional stress on her. but no question about it. >> stephanie: i think it might have had a little trineny bit to do with it as well. jim, we just had some people call in from minnesota last hour and saying how impressive you are and were as a candidate. same thing i thought when we interviewed you last time. you're a successful businessman. we were just talking about this whole the president's a socialist thing they've had going. we see the president the stock market literally is at an all-time high of any president in our history. you know they're having a tough time, aren't they? headline right now economic gains boost u.s. confidence to five-year high. they're having a tough time selling what they're selling aren't they? >> yeah. because it is hard to sell something when it isn't true. and the real thing is that we're all in this thing for the same reason. we want this country to work.

we want a strong middle class. we want an economy that works. we also know that it will only work if we have a strong middle class and if you continually attack and attack and attack the working people of this country where does the demand for goods and services and businesses come from? we've got to get back to the basics and build a strong middle class so people can have dignity and enough money a livable wage job to participate. and that's the problem right now. that's the problem with america. we're losing that. >> stephanie: jim you know, again, part of what is incredible to me about the story i'm reading right now is the president has been able to do this with -- not just no help but incredible obstructionism. i'm look at the story home prices surging, job growth is strengthening, stocks are setting record highs all of which explains why americans are more hopeful about the economy than any other point during the last five years. i mean that's fairly incredible isn't it? >> stephanie things are going quite well in many ways but i

have to be candid with you we have a lot of work to do. we have about 40% of our people out there listeners who are really struggling, worrying about how they're going to make their house payment and get the kids off to school and have enough money to maybe spend a little time and have access to education and good healthcare. and we are moving in the right direction. no question about it. in spite of all of the headwinds that they're trying to throw at. >> the us. we have some work to do and we're going to get it done. the way we're going to get it done is bring people together. being rigorous with the facts and that's what's going to happen hopefully. people are going to speak up. i think this whole far right wing anti-government anti-everybody lower taxes for the wealthy that isn't going to play anymore. >> stephanie: well, i think i was look at an -- interesting just on the same day the news came out the potential democratic challenger in kentucky is tied with mitch mcconnell. so, you know i do think you

know, and given the michele bachmanns of the world being on the way out i'm hoping, i'm hopeful the climate is changing in washington. >> boy, that would be phenomenal if we could make a real change and bring people together that really wanted to solve the problems and work for the people and you know, that's what we need. not this -- that the mcconnell and rest of them are doing. whatever obama or anybody says, they're going to be against just because whatever he says. that isn't the way we build this country. we have to -- i think the republicans, you know, john boehner has a couple of good ideas. let's bring him to the table over a beer and figure it out. but we have to -- we have to be rigorous with the facts and they just don't bring any rigor to the table. >> stephanie: merlot. he likes merlot. i pay attention to detail in this area. >> that's good to know. >> stephanie: everybody's talking this morning about bob dole's comments.

take a listen. this is bob dole. >> i think they ought to put a sign on the national committee doors that says "closed for repairs until new year's day next year." and spend that time going over ideas and positive agendas. >> stephanie: i mean, that resonated so much i think with so many people and yet i don't know republicans in power really listened but that's fairly stunning, isn't it for him to say he and reagan couldn't make it in this republican party today. >> it is stunning. when you think about -- saying he was a criminal, nixon would be a moderate liberal. he's in favor of the e.p.a., price controls. he thinks that we're -- they would say he's a communist and put him in jail. >> stephanie: my friend jim here said the president's healthcare plan was bob dole's plan essentially. >> exactly.

bob dole stood up for strengthening the social security trust. he believed in america. actually shows you how far off track. it all started with karl rove in 1980 when he started this big movement, social issues and everything else and took the eye off the ball. and they won the election. a couple of presidentials but they destroyed their own party in the process. >> stephanie: yeah. absolutely. you know what? i think with the jim graves of the world, we're going to take it back. thank you so much for taking time for us and good luck. >> thank you stephanie. let's keep in touch and have fun out in california. >> stephanie: thanks so much, jim. jim grace -- jim graves, future congressman for the state of minnesota. >> bob dole sounded so frail and weak. >> stephanie: it was sad watching him just -- it was also sad what he was saying and what he's watched become of his party and his country. really was. speaking of sad oh, dear. >> my good friends after a great deal of thought and

deliberation, i have decided next year, i will not seek a fifth congressional term to represent the wonderful people of the sixth district of minnesota. after serious consideration i am confident that this is the right decision. >> who chose that music? >> stephanie: i'm guessing marcus. he probably wanted to go disco but she was probably like no, it needs to sound, you know -- >> somber and serious. >> stephanie: i think string section. >> he wanted something from cats. >> stephanie:. ♪ all alone in the moonlight ♪ >> marcus! >> stephanie: okay. where was that? why was there music under it? >> it was a video posted on her web page. >> stephanie: i gotta hear it again. i'm guessing marcus did pick out the pantsuit and the music. >> it was posted at 2:30 a.m. >> stephanie: he was there with a conductor hat.

>> don't you think i look cute in this hat? >> my good friends, after a great deal of thought and deliberation, i have decided next year i will not seek the fifth congressional term. >> stephanie: music swell. >> to represent the wonderful people of the sixth district of minnesota. after serious consideration i'm confident that this is the right decision. >> ♪ memories ♪ >> hot mic. >> stephanie: music swells. it is all so magical! [ ♪ magic wand ♪ ] >> stephanie: i think he was trying for "memory." >> why did he post it so late though? was he driving back from iml in chicago? >> stephanie: excuse me? okay. let's go to dorothy in minneapolis. we're trying to help minnesota through this morning. hello, dorothy. >> caller: hi. you know, i think it is strange that she's been running campaign ads and there were still some on this weekend and she's been

calling for constituents and then she suddenly quits. could it be because of the fbi investigation? >> stephanie: ya think? oh no. she says that has nothing to do with it. maybe jehovah god didn't say it was the end. maybe it was her lawyer. ixnay. >> we are in the last days. your jehovah god. >> stephanie: it's okay. i'll fit you for fabulous prison jumpsuit. >> you'll look great in orange. >> stephanie: who will be the prettiest girl in the hole? you. >> very popular! >> stephanie: pretty girl in the prison. which prison? who? >> stephanie: exactly. went through every show tune that he's ever sung. ♪ i like to be in america ♪ ♪ in a prison in america ♪

>> stephanie: okay. [ applause ] we're officially having too much fun. pretty girl in the prison there. >> you were so depressed when you walked in. you were so depressed when you walked in. now, look at you! you're having the time of your life. >> stephanie:. ♪ time of my life ♪ ♪ never felt this way before ♪ >> stephanie: i think he's going to wait until evening to sing "memory." >> ding-dong, the witch is dead. >> stephanie: that's when he starts taking poppers tonight. all right. >> finally i can be free. >> stephanie: 17 minutes after the hour. what show tunes do you think marcus is singing now? 17 minutes after the hour. right back on "the stephanie miller show." hurting the middle class. >> what in the name of holy hell is going on here? >> announcer: it's "the stephanie miller show." about that. but i think the

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♪ >> my love and my lady is the sea. >> stephanie: we're all just so sad this morning listening -- you listen very carefully this morning in minneapolis, you can hear marcus. >> a weight has been lifted off

me. ♪ memories ♪ ♪ turn your face to the moonlight ♪ >> he's got a good voice. >> stephanie: i can stop pretending i'm an alto. i don't have to be a congressional wife anymore. i'm free. ♪ the meaning of what happiness is ♪ >> he's standing there under one spotlight. ♪ memories ♪ ♪ all alone in the moonlight ♪ >> stephanie: searches michael douglas' wardrobe from behind the candelabra -- >> including the wig. >> stephanie: sorry you have to see me without my wig michele. hopefully you can look at me the

same way sexually. >> don't i look cute in this wig? >> stephanie: okay. >> liberace bio pic. rob lowe reveals secrets for his plastic look in the movie. >> stephanie: he plays the plastic surgeon that has had so much plastic surgery, he can barely see. >> he said besides squinting loe achieved this unnatural look with makeup and prosthetics, it is taped and pulled behind his head. literally what they used to do before there were face-lifts for actresses. joan crawford, her whole career was this. you tape and pull but you have to have a wig because it covers the elastic that's pulling the tape. >> stephanie: marcus is taking notes. >> he achieved it with tape and squinting. >> point taken. >> stephanie: all right. let's move on, shall we? this hour by the way brought to you by sodastream. sodastream fun wow.

it makes soda quick and easy. tastes great, no cleanup. it transforms regular water into fresh, fizzy soda in seconds right, chris? when you hear that sound -- you know you're seconds from delicious soda. you have no lugging no storing no disposing of bottles and cans. you fill the bottle up with cold water, snap it into the machine push the button to carbonate. it doesn't make that noise until you push it. you add your choice of soda flavor. there are over 60. regular, diet and energy drinks. try country time, crystal light and kool-aid flavors in time for summer. okay. another great reason you love it. only 25 cents a can is how cheap it makes soda. check out sodastream at bed bath & beyond, target, macy's, kohls or go to sodastream.com to find stores nearest you. smart, simple soda. sodastream. 1-800-steph-12 toll free from anywhere. [ ♪ "nbc nightly news" ♪ ] i was talking about -- that socialist, thanks, obama.

economic gains boost u.s. confidence to five-year high. >> damn it! >> stephanie: investors on tuesday celebrated the latest buoyant reports on consumer confidence and accelerate in the second half of 2013. greater confidence could spur people to spend more money and help offset tax increases and federal spending cuts. this is a comedy exploding -- for the republicans. they're like oh, even a sequester can't kill the -- oh! the fastest rise in home prices in seven years might lead more americans to put houses on the market easing supply shortages that have kept the housing recovery from taking off. consumer confidence up to 72.6%. highest level. >> mitch mcconnell was contemplating referring to the galapagos islands. [ ♪ "nbc nightly news" ♪ ] >> stephanie: i was telling jim graves about this. new poll has -- what? what's on my lip?

>> nothing. i was scratching my lip. >> stephanie: pardon me. >> i thought we were doing signs like in baseball. >> stephanie: i didn't know if you wanted me to steal third. a new poll finds kentucky secretary of state allison lundgren grimes, a democrat, would be tied. 45-45, neck and neck with mitch mcconnell. you don't see his neck that often. because he's in his shell. >> inside his shell. >> that's my autobiography inside the shell. >> stephanie: mcconnell continues to be unpopular with 44% of voters approving 44% disapproval. that's underwater. >> like turtle soup. >> stephanie: his number is even worse. 41% of whom think he's doing a good job. >> that's not good. >> stephanie: time for mating season in the galapagos. >> it was time for him to mate again. they mate every 75 years or something.

>> right. >> stephanie: exactly. you don't want to miss that. you miss that window. you're screwed literally right? home prices jump by nearly 11% in march compared with a year ago. economic news helped send the dow up 106 points to close at a record. one chicago advertising agency is quoted here. he said a year ago, i had more friends asking if i knew anybody who was hiring now i have more questions of is anybody looking for a job? [ ♪ nah nah nah nah nah ♪ ] >> stephanie: everything you can to drag us down, it's not working. ha ha. maris in d.c. you're on "the stephanie miller show." hi maris. >> caller: good morning to you. guess what happened. "huffington post" is reporting that glenn beck said that michele bachmann is under investigation because she is against radical islam. >> against radical islam. >> right. sure. that's it. >> that's why the fbi is after

her for being after radical -- >> stephanie: oh, it is a conspiracy -- oh, i see. it is connected to her -- >> exactly. >> caller: apparently 32,000 somalians live in minnesota and i guess they're saying that they're basically going through and like basically flooding the district and trying to change the voting patterns. that would be my guess. >> stephanie: it is interesting because she's always had that weird district. jim graves, is ahead. so i'm sure that was a big factor and also the giant cartoon knocking fbi hand at the door. >> ha, ha, ha. [knock at door] >> stephanie: it is hard to hear it over show tunes. she probably didn't hear the fbi. [knock at door] >> stephanie: 29 minutes after the hour. right back on "the stephanie miller show."

>> if you believe in state's rights but still support the drug war you must be high. >> "viewpoint" digs deep into the issues of the day. >> do you think that there is any chance we'll see this president even say the words "carbon tax"? >> with an open mind... >> has the time finally come for real immigration reform? >> ...and a distinctly satirical point of view. >> but you mentioned "great leadership" so i want to talk about donald rumsfeld. >> (laughter). >> watch the show. >> only on current tv.

this show is about analyzing criticizing, and holding policy to the fire. are you encouraged by what you heard the president say the other night? is this personal, or is it political? a lot of my work happens by doing the things that i'm given to doing anyway, by staying in touch with everything that is going on politically and putting my own nuance on it. in reality it's not like they actually care. this is purely about political grandstanding. i've worn lots of hats, but i've always kept this going. i've been doing politics now for a (vo) he's been called the epic politics man. he's michael shure and his arena is the war room. >> these republicans in congress that think the world ends at the atlantic ocean border and pacific ocean border. the bloggers and the people that are sort of compiling the best of the day. i do a lot of looking at those people as well. not only does senator rubio just care about rich people, but somehow he thinks raising the minimum wage is a bad idea for the middle class. but we do care about them right?

>> i love it. 3:00 in the morning and you guys are hammered. >> stephanie: it is "the stephanie miller show." welcome to it. 34 minutes after the hour. >> your point would be? >> stephanie: 1-800-steph-12 toll free from anywhere. we're saddened by the death of comedy today. michele bachmann leaving congress however marcus is finally free. celebrating this morning at home. ♪ michael jackson, michael -- clang clang went the trologily ♪

>> stephanie: he doesn't have to pretend to be something he's not anymore. [ ♪ "nbc nightly news" ♪ ] canadians complain their new plastic $100 bills have the unmistakable scent of maple syrup. >> you may have heard the canadian government has issued a new $100 bill made of plastic. so okay, that's already weird eh? you know it gets cold up here, eh? we have heated seats in the chevy silverados. any bills will turn into a puddle of wax in a matter of minutes but even worse now it smells like you're sitting in a puddle of maim syrup so maybe chevy will come up with seats made of flapjacks and melted butter. hey, is that a bottle of --

you're sitting in? okay. i sure hope so, eh. get out. literally, get out. if stinks in here, eh? >> that's an urban myth though. that their money smells like maple syrup. people are calling the canadian mint saying they need to use more scent in the dollar bills because they don't smell it. >> stephanie: where is my maple, eh? >> should smell like maple and mint. >> stephanie: all right. [ ♪ "nbc nightly news" ♪ ] big idea person. i have another big idea. >> what's the big idea? >> stephanie: guess who could be chris christie's new stylist? marcus bachmann since he's not needed anymore to be michelle's stylist. >> i don't think we need -- >> i'm thinking horizontal stripes. >> stephanie: he was wearing a white shirt yesterday. >> computer says no. >> he's lost a lot of weight. >> stephanie: i know. white not the most slimming, i'm saying. maybe not the bone pantsuit for

him. >> we don't need to see chris christie in a crew. >> stephanie: he has lost weight. good for him. just saying, he could use a little -- an out-of-work stylist. the about the ins asbury park. you're stronger than the storm. the jersey shore is back and it is open for business. >> stephanie: it was refreshing to see a couple of guys tossing a football at the shore. >> abc news is calling it a bromance. >> stephanie: little bromancey. laughing high-fiving. >> winning each other prizes at boardwalk games. >> obama: seven months ago, i promised you your country would have your back. i told you we would not quit until the job is done and i meant it. >> stephanie: i thought what is -- partisanship in this country come to. i was so impressed he actually said i'm honored to introduce

you to the president of the united states of america. barack obama. you're like going huh i don't remember anyone -- that seems quaint somewhat. >> republicans are tearing their hair out. >> stephanie: the entire title. you don't just say -- president obama, here's that one. here is obama. >> obama: we've got wonderful shops and restaurants and arcades that are opening their doors and i saw what thousands of americans saw over memorial day weekend. you are stronger than the storm. >> stephanie: yeah, well. stronger in the storm. not fair enough. >> okay. >> sometimes i don't think chris matthews knows what he's saying. >> i don't know what it is.

>> tip o'neil told me once. i forgot what it was. >> stephanie: producer stop doing this. i got nothing here. it is like verbal packing material. got nothing. packing peanuts. just give me some packing peanuts. i throw them at the camera. >> stephanie: what's that about? >> if he said the word packing peanuts, he would have a little drip of spit on his lip. >> stephanie: right. >> like he always does. >> stephanie: perfect storm? talk to george clooney? okay. governor chris christie. >> i am not going to let anything or anyone get in between me and the completion of the mission to restore and recover our great state. [ cheers & applause ] >> stephanie: ba-da-boom. one more, governor christie yesterday at the shore. >> everybody came together. republicans, democrats independents, we all came together because new jersey is more important and our citizens' lives are more important than any kind of politics at all. >> stephanie: wow!

how's about that. look what happens when you work together like humanoids. like carbon-based life forms. then there's john mccain. okay! dprampy, dprampy grampy. >> stephanie: it is not the policy to traipse over the border to syria. [ ♪ "nbc nightly news" ♪ ] john mccain slips across the border into syria. meets with the rebels to criticize the president's policy with syria. mccain, one of the fiercest critics made the unannounced visit across the turkey/syria border with the general -- >> turkey? >> stephanie: right. he came in from -- >> turkey? >> stephanie: right. >> little treasony. >> stephanie: general of the free syrian army, he met with assembled leaders of the free syrian army. who called on the u.s. to step up its support into the armed opposition and provide them with heavy weapons and no-fly zone

and air strikes on the regime and the forces of hezbollah. the general praised mccain and criticized the obama administration policy. smell the treason berries. >> jane fonda in vietnam. >> stephanie: what a -- >> turkey? >> stephanie: mccain's visit came as the obama administration is considering an increase in support to syrian opposition while at the same time pushing the council to negotiate with the regime at the international conference in geneva. undermine the official policy much, grampy? >> mccain, shot down by the vietnamese would have been sensitive to that. >> stephanie: i hope he remembered his cochety old man card so he could get a discount. >> i suspect you'll want to see my angry crotchety discount card. >> sir, this card is expired. >> it is good for a lifetime. >> well, yours is expired. >> stephanie: grampy.

okay. let's go to mike in west virginia. hi mike. >> caller: hi, mama, good morning, mooks. my wife and i had the pleasure of seeing you guys in d.c. love you guys. loved the show. the only thing that keeps us sane. i just wanted to give a shout out to mama for pointing something out i think is important. it was kind of subtle but it was great. you said there really is no liberal media. you know. you see john boehner asking for somebody to go to prison. well, why didn't any of the reporters go who? what are you saying? what are you saying? >> stephanie: is it wrong to want it to be him? so he could be in an orange jumpsuit. someone will photo him next to keny from south park. >> on michelle, i think she will go from being on one msnbc show hardball, to lockup. >> stephanie: she can get work

after the crazy train pulls out. i want the crazy train bit. michele bachmann. let me take one more about michele bachmann. hi dawn, in minnesota. >> caller: hello. >> stephanie: hi, dawn. >> caller: this is ellen. >> stephanie: what have you done with dawn? go ahead. >> caller: i just want to know what michelle's going to do with the $6 million she's raised to run for re-election again. i don't know that she would be able to use that money since it is just for re-election. >> stephanie: yeah, interesting. >> caller: any lawsuits or anything coming against her. and i just don't trust her with what she's going to do with it. she's going to run against somebody else maybe for the senate if she thinks she can be cleared. >> stephanie: that's where the

speculation is this morning they were talking about her running against franken which would, the best debate ever. >> michele bachmann, did someone hypnotize you? >> my name is michele bachmann. ♪ >> i am not here as anybody's judge. >> take a great look at the views of the people in congress and find out are they for america or anti-america. >> i'm not here as anybody's judge. >> what is it that barack obama really believes? >> my name is michele bachmann. >> my name is michele bachmann. >> well, that's rude. >> now these are very extreme anti-american -- see? ♪ >> i know that my heart is right

because my heart is for you. ♪ going off the rail on the crazy train ♪ ♪ she's going off the rail on the crazy train ♪ >> i am not here as anybody's judge. we are in the last days. [ applause ] >> stephanie: we check in once again with our hidden microphone in marcus' bedroom this morning. ♪marcus are you all right? ♪ at first, i was afraid ♪ ♪ i was petrified thinking i could never live without you by my side ♪ ♪ but then i spent so many nights thinking how you did me wrong ♪ ♪ i've been strong, i've learned how to get along ♪ ♪ and so you're back ♪ ♪ i just walked in to find you here with that look upon your face ♪ ♪ i should have changed that

stupid lock, i should have made you leave your key ♪ ♪ if i had known for one second that you would be back to bother me ♪ ♪ now go, walk out the door ♪ ♪ just turn around now because you're not welcome anymore ♪ ♪ you think i'd lay down and die ♪ ♪ oh, no, not i ♪ ♪ i will survive ♪ ♪ as long as i know how to love, i know i'll stay alive ♪ ♪ i've got all my life to live ♪ ♪ i've got all my love to give ♪ ♪ i will survive ♪ ♪ hey hey ♪ >> come here, baby boy, you need to be disciplined. >> oh erc god. >> stephanie: i'm going to the store to buy eye cream for baby boy. 46 minutes after the hour. right back on "the stephanie miller show." >> what in the name of holy hell is going on here? >> announcer: it's "the stephanie miller show."

(vo) next, current tv is the place for compelling true stories. >> jack, how old are you? >> nine. >> this is what 27 tons of marijuana looks like. (vo) with award winning documentaries that take you inside the headlines, way inside. (vo) from the underworld, to the world of privilege. >> everyone in michael jackson's life was out to use him. (vo) no one brings you more documentaries that are real, gripping, current. you've heard stephanie's views. >>no bs, authentic, the real thing. >>now, let's hear yours at the only online forum with a direct line to stephanie miller. america now: current television. >>join the debate now.

♪ on the radio ♪ ♪ on the radio ♪ ♪ whoa, on the radio ♪ >> stephanie: uh-huh. it is "the stephanie miller show." welcome to it. 51 minutes after the hour. sexy liberal hal sparks on the way in for hump days with hal. it is very -- we need help getting through this day. the first day of the death of comedy. michele bachmann, bat [ bleep ] crazy congresswoman resigning from the fbi. nothing to do with the fbi or her maybe not getting re-elected. it has nothing to do with that

at all. ♪ you're a lying sack of crap ♪ ♪ you're a lying sack of crap ♪ >> national journal is heaving a sigh of relief. her departure relieves g.o.p. hike. ding-dong, the bitch is dead. >> stephanie: marcus in mourning. the hidden microphone in his bedroom. ♪ what good is sitting alone in your room ♪ ♪ come hear the music play ♪ >> stephanie: he has a good voice this morning. ♪ cabaret old chum ♪ ♪ come to the cabaret ♪ >> stephanie: yea! ♪ put down the knitting, the book and the broom ♪ ♪ it's time for a holiday ♪ ♪ life is a cabaret, old chum ♪ ♪ come to the cabaret ♪ ♪ come chase the -- come hear the band ♪

[ applause ] >> stephanie: michelle was probably at rite aid before it opened waiting for her migraine prescription. okay. all right. by the way -- [ ♪ "nbc nightly news" ♪ ] the george zimmerman second-degree murder case will proceed to trial june 10th after his judge denied the defense team's request for a delay. yeah, the judge ruled for the state on several key issues, defense may not bring up trayvon martin's past marijuana use suspension without clearing legal hurdles in another ruling granting permission. did you see zimmerman's defense team posted online this stuff text messages from trayvon's phone? no relevance to this case at all the phone -- i love this. the phone included photos of what appeared to be marijuana plants and .40 caliber smith & wesson handgun so he had a picture of a gun in his phone technically, he was armed. yeah. >> nice try. >> stephanie: nice.

nice. >> wow. >> stephanie: one of the most compelling issues the judge must rule on is to allow the testimony of alan rice who says in the background of the 911 call, he heard trayvon in distress say i'm begging you before the fatal shot. he was talking like an evangelist early in the recording. zimmerman defense attorney mark owe -- o'meara testified the screams are from zimmerman. help, i have a gun and you don't. you have a picture of a phone. help. [ cuckoo clock chimes ] [ screaming ] >> help, i'm being attacked by a bag of skittles. >> stephanie: megan in chicago. you're on "the stephanie miller show." hey, meg. >> caller: how are you guys? >> stephanie: good. go ahead. >> caller: you had a gal call in from madison. i wanted to respectfully disagree with her position that democrats aren't doing anything and it is the republicans that are out in front right now.

i think she's confusing productivity with p.r. while these guys are busy governing the green room, democrats have introduced bill after bill after bill that have been rejected and voted against just because they were presented. >> stephanie: right. it is fine for john mccain to go grandstand in syria but guess what. he's not in charge of what our policy will be in syria. you know? >> caller: exactly. >> stephanie: thank you, honey. appreciate it. james in indiana. you're on the "the stephanie miller show". hi james. >> caller: hello. all right. i'm calling about 58% of the country said they would prefer ronald reagan over president obama. >> stephanie: uh-huh. >> caller: that boggles my mind. >> stephanie: i don't know that he would be as good. >> caller: me neither. >> stephanie: with him being dead and all. >> caller: yeah. and also, he kind of started this anti-government -- like government is not the solution to our problem.

it is the problem. >> stephanie: the problem is bob dole says he would be -- he would be more of a socialist than obama today. he gave amnesty raise taxes 11 times, what else. no nukes. totally gay. let's go to steve in illinois. hi steve welcome. >> caller: hey, steph. i think the only way the republicans are going to salvage their reputation is if they start abandoning this ayn randian notion of individual liberty is an absolute and therefore anybody who values teamwork is a socialist enemy of liberty. no one has any obligation for the privilege of participating in a modern economy. >> stephanie: you know, it is interesting. what i was just saying, jim about the reagan -- talking about zero nuke, i was looking at the headline, republican lawmakers use memorial day weekend, sunday shows to push for more war. it is ironic, yes, sad yes. but i mean that's what i'm saying. reagan -- he would have been

called an appeaser. he cut and ran after the marine barracks were blown up. it is all of those charged terms that republicans use. anyway a few days after president obama delivered his hour-long speech, conservatives took to the sunday morning talk shows to express their profound disappointment. so disappointed with what he had to say. >> disappointed! >> stephanie: yes. the president offered a strong defense of his administration's record on drone strikes while acknowledging the need to curtail their use in some instances. he addressed his long-held desire to close guantanamo. hardly a radical liberal vision for the future of u.s. foreign policy so why did it draw such ire from his republican opposition? because the words came out of the mouth of barack obama. that's exactly it. i swear just to mess with them, he should do an actually reagan speech. he should steal an old reagan speech and give that and watch lindsey graham revaporrize. oh, just kidding. i was just [ bleep ] with you.

that was reagan. yeah somebody was saying can you imagine mitt romney giving a similar speech and moderate republicans praising it for a sensible outlook. there he was calling his speech stunningly breathtakingly naive. for his suggestion that the global war on terror could come to an end. how many times can you say -- you can't be at war with a -- it is not -- it is a tactic. of course it is never evil. it won't go away. anyway. obviously the way he's prosecuting it is a much more effective than the way george bush did. harumph. 58 minutes after the hour. hump days with hal next on "the stephanie miller show."

[ ♪ theme ♪ ] >> stephanie: okay. hour number three. jacki schechner. i got your eye candy again. hal sparks on his way in. >> it has been awhile since we've been able to see hal. >> stephanie: i know. >> squee! >> think he's just as adorable as ever? >> stephanie: totes adorbs. >> will you pass me a note and ask him if he likes me? yes, no, maybe? >> stephanie: you're such a gal. yeah we need to help comeedically to get through the death of comedy morning. >> you're barely holding it together. >> stephanie: our friend brooke e-mailed and said she's going to miss the chutzpah. >> i liked her smile through the video. it was really sincere.

>> stephanie: exactly. and now here with extra chutzpah in the current news center, it is jacki schechner. >> good morning everybody. at the request of the president attorney general eric holder is going to review how the federal government handles leak investigations and starting as early as tomorrow, he plans to meet separately with executives from tv and newspaper organizations. last week, president obama expressed concern that government inquiries into possible national security leaks could interfere with the investigative journalism that is necessary to keep government accountable. recently, news emerged the justice department secretly collected two months of "associated press"'s phone records as it was trying to find out who leaked the story of a c.i.a. thwarted plot in yemen and that the justice department was also investigating fox news reporter james rosen regarding a leak of news involving u.s. intelligence on north korea. holder has denied any involvement in the first of the two inquiries but reuters reports that attorney general

personally ok'd the decision to subpoena rosen's phone records and was involved in the decision to search his e-mail. senator tom coburn told cbs on sunday that this constitutes a conflict of interest as holder should not be allowed to conduct what is essentially an investigation of himself. and a new study says republicans lie more than democrats. the george mason university center for public affairs took a look at statements rated by politifact. 52% of g.o.p. claims were either rated mostly false false or pants on fire. in comparison, only 24% of democrats claims turned out to be debunked to the same degree. the study is too selective and that politifact is not out to rate which party lies more. we're back after the break. stay with us. minutes we're going to do the young turks! i think the number 1 thing than viewers like about the young turks is that were

honest. they know that i'm not bsing them for some hidden agenda, actually supporting one party or the other. when the democrats are wrong, they know i'm going to be the first one to call them out. cenk on air>> what's unacceptable is how washington continues to screw the middle class over. cenk off air i don't want the middle class taking the brunt of the spending cuts and all the different programs that wind up hurting the middle class. cenk on air you got to go to the local level, the state level and we have to fight hard to make sure they can't buy our politics anymore. cenk off air and they can question if i'm right about that. but i think the audience gets that, i actually mean it. cenk on air 3 trillion dollars in spending cuts! narrator uniquely progressive and always topical the worlds largest online news show is on current tv. cenk off air and i think the audience gets, "this guys to best of his abilities is trying to look out for us." only on current tv! [ male announcer ] this is the

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to the fire. are you encouraged by what you heard the president say the other night? is this personal, or is it political? a lot of my work happens by doing the things that i'm given to doing anyway, by staying in touch with everything that is going on politically and putting my own nuance on it. in reality it's not like they actually care. this is purely about political grandstanding. i've worn lots of hats, but i've always kept this going. i've been doing politics now for a dozen years. (vo) he's been called the epic politics man. he's michael shure and his arena is the war room. >> these republicans in congress that think the world ends at the atlantic ocean border and pacific ocean border. the bloggers and the people that are sort of compiling the best of the day. i do a lot of looking at those people as well. not only does senator rubio just care about rich people, but somehow he thinks raising the minimum wage is a bad idea for the middle class. but we do care about them right?

[ ♪ theme ♪ ] >> stephanie: six minutes after the hour. welcome to day one of the death of comedy. congresswoman bat [ bleep ] michele bachmann of minnesota announced she won't be running for congress again. here is marcus' hidden microphone. ♪ baby ♪ ♪ you'll be swell ♪ ♪ you'll be great ♪ ♪ going to have the whole world on a plate ♪ ♪ everything's coming up roses ♪ >> marcus, stop it! ♪ you've got nothing to do but

relax ♪ >> put a red wig on marcus and he would look exactly like ethel merman. >> stephanie: you know show tunes are my trigger for migraines. >> stephy. >> what's that heavy breathing i hear? ♪ the hump day dance ♪ >> hump days with hal sparks. >> yes, yes, yes! >> isn't that like the greatest game song in the world? >> perhaps it isn't. perhaps there are better ones out there. this could be the best moment of my life. >> stephanie: was it a prop or -- it is michelle's migraine pills. >> we're on the television as well. we need props. union jobs. >> stephanie: other sexy liberal john fuglesang saying michele bachmann is leaving congress to spend time with her husband. >> stephanie: i did it first.

i did behind the congressional candle an ra first thing morning >> my guess is that marcus has talked her into running for president in 2016 and their campaign will be run by jeff gannon. although you will never know when they're actually having a campaign meeting because there will be no records of the comings and goings. >> stephanie: no. wow. >> i think that's one of the most dusted over aspects of the entire bush years. >> stephanie: jeff gannon using the back door? >> the washington press corps reporter right wing web site reporter guy/male prostitute who who -- came and went after 10:00 at the white house a lot. during the bush administration. and that's amazing how you're like oh, yeah. you tell that to anybody.

you run into a reporter, oh, yeah. why don't we talk about that more? because you were afraid? >> like robert patrick. >> just slid in under the door. >> stephanie: hal let's relive the horror. this is michele bachmann, complete with string section. >> at 2:30 this morning. >> my good friends after a great deal of thought and deliberation i have decide next year i will not seek a fifth congressional term to represent the wonderful people of the sixth district of minnesota. after serious consideration, i am confident that this is the right decision. ♪ >> running across the beach in white shorts. or was that st. for example mow's fire? i always get those mixed up. >> stephanie: i announce i'm

not running. >> since you have decided to usurp evil from the tit of the devil and allow gay people to get married, i must stay at home 24/7 365 and watch marcus like a hawk. because now that it's legal he's got one foot out the dog door and there's nothing i can do about it. i will be sitting in my living room -- >> stephanie: i'm ready to pass the baton to someone else. >> tries to get into the car with -- borrow the keys with -- >> i'm just going out for bread! >> not buying it, marcus. >> stephanie: i'm ready to get my chariot to fire and drive away from all of the glory. >> going out for popcorn. >> stephanie: soda pop. >> since ted cruz, it is just me and drag. >> stephanie: we don't call it pop here. we call it soda. >> i'm going to stay home and marcus and i are going to work

on my next campaign 2016, we're going to take down hillary. >> stephanie: the other choice, they went with chariots of fire but i think knights in white satin was the other choice. that was probably why it was 2:30 in the morning. fighting over the song. ♪ knights in white satin ♪ >> people of minnesota. ♪ reaching the end ♪ >> this is with great saddens and broken heartedness that -- marcus don't -- >> stephanie: marcus is my knight in white pants. i need to spend more time with him. >> stephanie: all right. >> a little self-involved. i'm not going to lie. >> who marcus? >> no, the song. anybody who thinks they can hug out homosexuality --

>> stephanie: hug it out. >> sit over my lap. put in your head in my lap and i'll cuddle you into straightness. >> stephanie: that would be a great -- maybe he should have a great ceremony and rename his clinic his anti-gay clinic and call it hug it out bitch. >> come out of here with a tennis racket. >> that's what i yell. you yell your thing. michele! >> stephanie: would not be as against his clinic if he would name it hug it out bitch. >> provided by funds from local government and federal government. >> stephanie: exactly. just to review. >> true capitalist form. >> stephanie: just to review, he does the -- you know, the -- >> anti-gay reparative therapy. >> stephanie: christian counseling. >> small government republican. he used government funds. >> because homosexuality -- >> stephanie: at the christian clinic. >> homosexuality is the gender

version of i guess a blown tire. it is reparative therapy. i will patch your sexuality. >> stephanie: it is a like a defective master cylinder. you got something under the hood i need to take a look at. >> stephanie: oh, dear. no more baloney. so sad. ♪ here she comes now saying more baloney ♪ >> carbon dioxide is a harmless gas. ♪ everything she says is more baloney ♪ >> you're involved in the gay and lesbian lifestyle, it is bondage. >> happy birthday to elvis presley today. >> a lot of chutzpah. >> jehovah god. >> we're running out of rich people. >> i may not always get my words right. chutzpah.

chutzpah chutzpah. >> happy birthday to elvis presley today. >> we'll keep working and we'll get her done. >> stephanie: get it. [ applause ] >> oh, god. oh you're on my foot. >> stephanie: jehovah god told her the end was near or the fbi. >> the day is at hand. we're in the last days. your jehovah god. >> stephanie: s.e.c. on line one. fbi on line two. >> you think there's more to the story? am i getting that from you? because i know we're all having great comedy fun at her expense because she's decided that she needs to spend more time with minnesotans to i guess do a -- like an entire state intervention. she and marcus have to go across the entire state. but so you're saying -- there might be something to these s.e.c. charges? and -- >> stephanie: she says no.

>> all right then. >> stephanie: we would never load the liar cannon for god's sakes. >> i do not believe your lies. >> you're a bald-faced liar. [ bleep ] liar. >> stephanie: derek in chicago, you're on with hal. hi derek. >> caller: hi, steph. hi chris. >> hi, derek. >> caller: i just want to find out what is it that you know about -- that you think marcus came stumbling home? >> he's a producer. >> i know my stuff. >> stephanie: he has enthusiasm. >> that's right. >> enthusiasms. i think you know what i'm saying >> stephanie: you're on with hal sparks. >> caller: you guys are really funny. this is serious to me. chris christie is getting entirely too much good publicity for his like i'm italian.

i can say this. his italian south philly approach. it is cute but he's still a republican. and no matter what he's done with monetary issues, you know, that sort of concerns me but not really. my concern is this. i'm 69 years old. i've been in the music business all my life. hal will really understand this. i played a les paul which weighed like 200 pounds. everybody has a hammond organ. my back is totally destroyed. it has been that way for like quite a few years now. i spent months in bed with sciatica. the only thing that helps me is marijuana. so now i'm living in jersey. i moved here three years ago. the law has been passed for i think five years now for medical marijuana. i have a doctor that is not allowed to prescribe it. you have to go to a special doctor to get that. >> right. >> caller: he wanted a

moratorium on it which would have been like having a moratorium on immigration in the early '60s down south. he didn't get it. the law passed. but people came in here with millions of dollars investors you know, for places to grow it and you know, ways to get it. everybody comes out with their placards, not in my neighborhood. open as many liquor stores as you want. open a liquor company and a drug company but no marijuana. so what i want your listeners to know is if republicans don't like a law they just ignore it. >> or if he defund the ability to carry it out. >> right. >> i talked to my doctor and said what's going on with this? he said well, you know, number one, all of the young people use their back as an excuse. >> hal: what does that have to do with anything? you know the oxy parties that they have? kids are having pharma problems. this is a big problem.

prescription drugs. they bring whatever prescription meds they have, put them in a bowl and everybody takes whatever they want. have no idea what the consequences will be. that's not stopping the ability of people to prescribe any of those medications anywhere. >> stephanie: it was all of the rush limbaugh defenders. it is just prescription medicine. the doctor doesn't prescribe 1,000 a month! >> side effects. >> hal: i'm going to write. >> script here, rush. have your maid go -- meet someone by an old stump. >> he says whatever he wants. >> hal: can you get your hands on about 10,000 $5s? used $5 bills. >> stephanie: i'm not saying chris christie is an aficionado of the mary jane but somebody likes his munchies. >> different strains of pot don't necessarily do that. >> hal: now they have super

pot that gives you abs or something. it's got testosterone boosters. >> you giggle so much you build up your abs. that's the only reason. >> laughter is the best sit-up. that's what they say. >> stephanie: the 19 minutes after the hour. back with more hump days with hal on "the stephanie miller show." >> announcer: join the party. 1-800-steph-12. john fugelsang: if you believe (vo) next, current tv is the place for compelling true stories. >> jack, how old are you? >> nine. >> this is what 27 tons of marijuana looks like. (vo) with award winning documentaries that take you inside the headlines, way inside. (vo) from the underworld, to the world of privilege. >> everyone in michael jackson's life was out to use him. (vo) no one brings you more documentaries that are real, gripping, current.

john fugelsang: if you believe in states rights but still support the drug war you must be high. cenk uygur: i think the number one thing viewers like about the young turks is that we're honest. i think the audience gets that i actually mean it. michael shure: this show is about being up to date so a lot of my work happens by doing the things that i am given to doing anyway. joy behar: you can say anything here. jerry springer: i spent a couple of hours with a hooker joy behar: your mistake was writing a check jerry springer: she never cashed it (vo) the day's events. four very unique points of view. tonight starting at 6 eastern. break the ice with breath-freshening cooling crystals. ice breakers.

>> "viewpoint" digs deep into the issues of the day. >> has the time finally come for real immigration reform? >> with a distinctly satirical point of view. if you believe in state's rights but still believe in the

drug war you must be high. >> only on current tv. >> announcer: stephanie miller. ♪ >> stephanie: yeah, yeah. this hour of the "the stephanie miller show" brought to you by identity guard making it okay to trust again. go to identity guard. what is it? >> it's that easy.

>> stephanie: why, thank you. >> this just in. [ ♪ "nbc nightly news" ♪ ] >> stephanie: rocky mountain mike says michelle and marcus will star in the new hbo film behind the scandal opera. everyone is getting in on the fun. [ ♪ circus ♪ ] erin says don't be sad. i have two words to ease your pain over losing michele bachmann. ted cruz. lose one idiot get another one alive. take off the mccarthy mask. be serious. >> a list of 105 communists in the state department. >> stephanie: rosa lee in new jersey. >> caller: you guys realize there are cameras on you. you're acting crazy. you're all wild. i love it. i'm so glad i got through. >> stephanie: thank you. go ahead. >> caller: i'm on lbi which is south jersey. we were hit by the storm sandy.

>> right. >> caller: i don't laugh a lot but today i found current. i found stephanie. i found your number. and i'm watching you guys and you don't realize there is a camera on you because you're acting like you're in someplace. >> we just don't care. >> stephanie: we know there's a camera. we don't care. >> caller: i love. it. it is just what i needed today. your show is wonderful. >> stephanie: thank you, rosa lee. your voice is so pretty. you're so cute. i'm a grandma. >> stephanie: yes. >> caller: i have two twin granddaughters. and i hope they grow up to be what you're doing. >> stephanie: oh wow. >> caller: a broadcaster. >> stephanie: thank you. >> caller: keep up the good work. >> stephanie: that's very cute. >> radio is lowland of the entertainment totem pole. >> sandy and jay relief fund.org is the web site if you want to

help with the sandy relief as well. they're still dealing with that. in oklahoma, they're being hit again with tornadoes. they're under tornado warning again today. in moore. of course, way to go, oklahoma, voting for coburn and what's his name again. >> stephanie: james inhofe. >> yes. >> stephanie: i is criticizing the liberal media for using this occasion to talk about global warming and other -- [ cuckoo clock chimes ] craziness like that. >> i like to call him james ine-hoff. >> stephanie: he said the liberal media is trying to exploit the tragedy. >> okay. please, maybe somebody here can explain to me. what is their big problem with really referencing climate change? is it the reference the belief that somehow god's not in control of the climate and that

it's like the magic pixie dust aspect? or is it just flat out carbon tax? >> stephanie: he said -- i love this. we're being hit by tornadoes long before anyone talked about climate change. tornadoes. >> i believe he's being hit by tornadoes. >> stephanie: even before it was called global cooling before it became global warming. same thing happened last week, 14 years ago 30 years ago. >> what you just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things i've ever heard. at no point were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. >> a tornado -- >> it hit before! >> hal: and they were lot deadlier -- >> because the houses were made out of spit. now we're building -- >> stephanie: whatever the first little wolf -- first little pig built their house out

of. >> out of papier-mache. >> hal: the death toll in this situation was incredibly high. even beyond the fact that we had built better reinforced buildings. obviously they didn't have basements in some of the areas but the buildings themselves are stronger than they've ever been and yet the death toll -- >> it was predicted. >> stephanie: it goes to bobby jindal's thought, they have to stop being the stupid party. >> stephanie: talk to a scientist. there's always been storms. no. by the way representative peter king of new york accused inhofe of hypocrisy for favoring relief efforts but voting against the hurricane sandy relief. at least there's that. ♪ wheel of right-wing hypocrites ♪ >> coburn didn't. >> stephanie: he's consistently a douche. >> hal: also, the red states like coburn's, there is a

disaster relief fund that the government maintains. between $12 and $18 billion. >> stephanie: he voted against. now he's taking credit for it. >> hal: there is enough money to protect states like oklahoma. sandy, atlantic city shore is more expensive. they don't care about that. >> stephanie: 29 minutes after the hour. back with more hump days with hal on "the stephanie miller show." very very excited about that and very proud of that. beltway politics from inside the loop. we tackle the big issues from inside our nation's capital, around the country and around the globe. >> bill press opens current's morning news block. >> we'll do our best to carry the flag from six to nine every morning. >> think conservatives have a stranglehold on the morning news? bill press invites you to think again as he tackles the hot issues on capital hill and beyond. >> just bringing you exactly what's happening in politics

today by people who have a lot of experience, who know what's going on and who know what they're talking about. i'll tell you what energizes me to get up every morning is to get the first crack at the news, the first crack at the newsmakers. i know this stuff, i know what i'm talking about and i love it and i try to bring that to the show. only on current tv.

this show is about analyzing criticizing, and holding policy to the fire. are you encouraged by what you heard the president say the other night? is this personal, or is it political? a lot of my work happens by doing the things that i'm given to doing anyway, by staying in touch with everything that is going on politically and putting my own nuance on it. in reality it's not like they actually care. this is purely about political grandstanding. i've worn lots of hats, but i've always kept this going. i've been doing politics now for a dozen years. (vo) he's been called the epic politics man. he's michael shure and his arena is the war room.

>> these republicans in congress that think the world ends at the atlantic ocean border and pacific ocean border. the bloggers and the people that are sort of compiling the best of the day. i do a lot of looking at those people as well. not only does senator rubio just care about rich people, but somehow he thinks raising the minimum wage is a bad idea for the middle class. but we do care about them right? ♪ oh, oh, oh, oh ♪ >> stephanie miller. >> yikes, i was going to spend $600 to have my boobs pinched, i would have gone to that fund-raiser at the clinton's

house. >> stephanie: it is "the stephanie miller show". >> you think she's running? >> stephanie: yeah. politico interviewed a ton of people and none of them had any other supposition except in her inner circle, she's going. she's running. >> i'm for it. ♪ it ain't a man's world ♪ >> stephanie: we're suffering the death of comedy today the best we can. bat [ bleep ] crazy michele bachmann of minnesota has announced she will not be running for congress again. marcus also, her husband -- >> right. >> stephanie: and stylist coping the best he can. we have a hidden microphone. he brought home a bunch of friends from the rave and they're doing the best they can% this morning. ♪

♪ >> most inadvertently hilarious song title. >> stephanie: he's there whis friends. ♪ i'm a lumberjack and i'm okay ♪ ♪ i sleep all night and i work all day ♪ >> stephanie: okay. let's go to shantel in florida. you're on "the stephanie miller show." hi shantel. >> caller: hi, stephanie. >> stephanie: hi. >> caller: i just needed to call you to say your show is funny. i really like you a lot and you're just absolutely stunningly gorgeous. >> stephanie: oh go on! [ ♪ magic wand ♪ ] >> no, really, go on. boost away. >> stephanie: she's done. whatever. >> she got spooked.

>> stephanie: exactly. >> she expected you to come on to her. >> hal: i didn't know this would work. happens all the time with guys in bar. hey, what's going on? i don't know. what's up with you? want to come over? humina humina, humina. >> stephanie: jennifer in minneapolis surviving the death of comedy with us. hello, jennifer. >> caller: good morning. mooks, huge fan of you guys. i just wanted to share the common goodness in the announcement michele bachmann will not be running for re-election. it doesn't seem to be raining. this year, we have a democratic house, senator governor, passed marriage equality and now no more michele. she stated it was enough time for representatives to serve in any one district which openss the door to a sequel. >> stephanie: marcus said she might move where she could run would be somewhere else.

somewhere else. >> caller: during the minnesota debate over marriage equality, she stated if it passed, she would move out of state. she'll be taking that show to another state. >> they almost moved to switzerland. >> hal: maybe it is on the market. big rainbow house across from the west borough baptist church. that could be the best of both worlds. they could be close to their own kind and yet in a comfortable setting. >> stephanie: marcus had his heart set on -- ♪ oklahoma, where the wind comes sweeping down the plains ♪ ♪ and the waving wheat sure smells sweet when the wind comes right behind the rains ♪ ♪ oklahoma ♪ ♪ every night my honey -- >> that's proof that global warming is a hoax. that song was written in -- >> the wind was clearly blowing

there. never mind the fact that it was five times faster and twice as wide. >> stephanie: yeah, right jennifer in frees know on climate change. you're on with hal. >> caller: hi, go ahead. i have a few reasons as to why the far right and the retard cans don't believe in climate change. part of the problem is they're all going based on the book of rememberlations. that was not the -- it was the end of the beginning and political text written about things that were already happening. it is not a magical -- >> hal: they absolutely are committed to kind of -- because god is operating supposedly on his own clock. they're impatient. they're trying to goose him a little bit. maybe if we can push this a little bit we'll get god off his duff and he'll go tap jesus on the shoulder who, by the way according to biblical scripture

has no idea when armageddon is. god will make it up. he won't tell him and the angels. angels will tell everybody. >> stephanie: they're chatty. >> dodgers know. is it. >> hal: four games into any season, i think. but in that particular -- i mean in all honesty they think that god isn't operating fast enough. they go into their churches and pray for the end to come. >> stephanie: oh, jehovah god. >> hal: we're in the end time, aren't we? are you listening to me? we're in the end time. >> we're in the last days. jehovah god. >> hal: you are gentleman show have a god. >> stephanie: they don't believe in repairing bridges. that's why we offer this ode to the g.o.p. ♪ it was the third of june ♪ ♪ i was out shopping, talking the g.o.p. was making hay ♪

♪ and at dinnertime, we stopped and watched the senate and the house ♪ ♪ obama hollered out the back window, it looks like we're in defeat ♪ ♪ and then he said i've got some news this morning from capital ridge ♪ ♪ today mitch mcconnell stopped a bill to fix my aging crappy bridge ♪ ♪ tea party politics is going to run us all into a ditch ♪ ♪ my aging crappy bridge ♪ >> stephanie: wow. thank you rocky mountain mike

and mary in ann arbor. check it out. [ applause ] we were saying that instead of going on the sunday shows and criticizing the president on national defense and all of that stuff, hal how about they get on with the chinese hacking into our defense system. [ ♪ "nbc nightly news" ♪ ] >> yeah. >> a lot of our computer chips are made by china so potentially had like a kill switch in there to make all of the planes drop out of the sky at the same time. >> hal: it wouldn't be hard to do. that's the problem with outsourcing. going for the lowest bidder and getting the companies that can -- because we have no trade system in place. all of it applies. even -- high level defense creations. >> stephanie: they don't know until the fbi knocks on their door that they've been hacked. what happened now? designs from many of the nation's most sensitive advanced weapons systems have been sensitized. according to a new report by the pentagon. the science board did not accuse the chinese of stealing the designs but senior military and industry officials make

knowledge to say the vast majority of the widening campaign of espionage against u.s. defense contractors and government agencies. we're not saying stealing. don't call in your markers. >> shouldn't be concerned. but when i did walk out of seeing the avengers in china they were handing out dvds. you could buy them on the street of all of the schematics for our planes. >> stephanie: we're not saying stealing. that's kind of harsh. please don't call in the iru. >> hal: here is the odd part. in line with the a.p. scandal the rosen story at fox news and the a.p. story, you know, i've had a discussion about this on my own radio show but the idea is that there is a difference between whistle-blower and just leaking facts. in this case, it is like the american people have the right to know. guess what. if they know, if we know some of these things, everybody knows. and in the case of rosen, he was talking about something that was going on with north korea.

and that basically they let it out we had somebody in their administration that was leaking us information. >> michele. >> stephanie: you know, there is a piece in the "daily beast" about eric holder's regrets and repairs and yada yada. but this is something i keep talking about, hal. justice officials say the department's leadership came under withering pressure to investigate leaks from the intelligence committee and congress. it is the same republicans that were screaming at on multiple occasions, he fielded calls from c.i.a. directors demanding leak investigations. meanwhile, congress was on holder's case to staunch the leaks in national security cases. they hauled him in front of the senate intelligence committee to explain why they weren't punishing more leakers. it is like they have a lot of room. >> hal: right. you know, like i said, i think this is a very important distinction between whistle-blower protection and just factually leaking stuff you know is classified. in rosen's case, he met with

five state department officials. the guy who actually leaked the stuff to him who is being prosecuted for that. and was -- i think already found guilty of leaking classified information. it wasn't like the guy called him up and said by the way this is what's going on and he had no idea it was classified information. they met at the state department. they left the grounds together. like within a minute of each other. they came back within three minutes of each other. they went outside the building to talk about this. he was aware it was classified information. and none of it was oh, the u.s. government is engaging in something illegal. they basically -- he just outed -- it is another valerie plame situation. >> stephanie: here's representative jason, republican of utah. >> attorney general holder seems to be aloof and unengaged when it is convenient and yet incompetent when it matters most. and we need an attorney general who is hands on, who is communicating with the president. that does not happen with eric holder. >> stephanie: okay. well anyway, "daily beast" saying holder by weeks' end he

knew he had to restore the department's credibility with the press. the message was look, we get it. we understand why this is so controversial. we're willing to make changes. at the same time, he enlisted help to get a media shield law passed in congress. >> the media shield law should be a very strong whistle-blower protection. if the reporters engage like pentagon paper style stuff where they're showing the illegal activity is happening within the u.s. government, there should be direct protection for that. if they have a friend who works you know, that used to work under dick cheney and knows everybody at the pentagon still in place for the administration and is trying to undercut their political point by this buddy/buddy relationship, that's damaging the national security. no one benefits from that. if we've got c.i.a. people or people who are feeding us information who are going to get killed simply because of a scoop -- >> stephanie: yeah, exactly. >> that's not the same thing as something illegal happen and we need to let people know. >> stephanie: 46 minutes after

the hour. right back with the final moments of hump days with hal on "the stephanie miller show." >> it even vibrates like real. >> announcer: it's "the stephanie miller show."

(vo) next, current tv is the place for compelling true stories. >> jack, how old are you? >> nine. >> this is what 27 tons of marijuana looks like. (vo) with award winning documentaries that take you inside the headlines, way inside. (vo) from the underworld, to the world of privilege. >> everyone in michael jackson's life was out to use him. (vo) no one brings you more documentaries that are real, gripping, current. (vo) she gets the comedians laughing and the thinkers thinking. >>ok, so there's wiggle room in the ten commandments, that's

what you're saying. (vo) she's joy behar. >>current will let me say anything. ♪ to the left, to the left ♪ ♪ you must not know about stephanie miller ♪ ♪ to the left, to the left ♪ >> stephanie: 51 minutes after the hour. oh my god you guys.

somebody slapped beyoncé on the butt. i encourage that at sexy liberal. in fact, i did a mass birthday spanking at the seattle show. i encouraged people to touch my ass. i don't know what her problem is but beyoncé was slapped on the butt by a male fan. she will cut a -- >> she stopped to chastise the male fan but the singing kept going. oops. >> maybe that's why he did it. >> stephanie: that was the -- >> got ya! >> stephanie: she can be heard i will have you escorted out right now right? >> club rules. >> she needs to stop singing. >> track is still playing. >> stephanie: i thought you were saying something about single ladies. jay-z will bust a cap in your ass? is that the lyrics? what's happening? did you see the picture barbara eden still hot at 78. >> amazing. >> stephanie: she put the "i

dream of genie" outfit on. >> keep in mind that once you start getting to that age the angle of heavens starting to go down -- heaviness starts to go down. the curvature of her back and her feet. she looked like e.t. she didn't eat anymore. she stopped eating when she was 72 and lived to be 98. >> i'll be right here. who voiced -- jim will know this. who voiced e.t.? >> it was what's her name? >> stephanie: no. >> debra winger. >> yes. debra winger voiced e.t. because that's what she sounds like normally. >> stephanie: barbara eden put on the "i dream of genie" outfit over the weekend to raise money

for people living with h.i.v. and a.i.d.s. >> she blinked and the costume disappeared. >> she blinked and out came bill clinton. came out with a big smile. i'll be your master. >> i'm sure he was thrilled. >> sent her to turkey? >> get him out of the country will ya? >> rich has a thought about grandma mccain sneaking across the border from -- >> turkey. >> assad should have built a dang fence. [ ♪ circus ♪ ] >> hal: there was a big like tea party web site that was talking about how he's basically an illegal immigrant into syria. and that's a violation just like it is when somebody comes into our country. >> stephanie: how is that not treasony. he's in syria criticizing

president obama's -- >> jane fonda-ish. the white house knew about it. the white house was aware of it. they cleared it. he obviously had help getting in there from the state department. and the dod. there was no mystery to it. >> so the white house helped him yet he still criticized the white house. >> absolutely. >> stephanie: hal -- [ ♪ "nbc nightly news" ♪ ] famous hollywood celebrity like you are you walk into chateau marmont and see amy winehouse. [ screaming ] it was lady gaga was having dinner and she apparently had long black wig heavy makeup and lots of mass mascara. a friend said i thought amy winehouse had come back from the dead. gaga dropped her fork and half hour later re-emerged sporting a red wig. she put on the patsy cline wig from her dead singer collection. >> hal: right. >> marmont is --

>> hal: belushi. couple of other deaths that weren't as famous there but it is like one of the haunted locations. so it wouldn't be that shocking if you did walk in there even though she died thousands of miles away. but still -- i don't know. >> could happen. >> stephanie: in our final edition of -- [ ♪ "nbc nightly news" ♪ ] amanda bynes. she could run for senate in minnesota, couldn't she? wow, what is up with her? she has finished randomly lashing out at rihanna and moved on to the nypd. she took to twitter to announce her plans to sue the nypd. her apartment complex and possibly the hospital in which she was mentally evaluated after being arrested. >> hal: yeah. >> stephanie: she also mentioned it is impossible for her to have been drunk or stoned because she's allergic to drugs and alcohol. it was a vase, not a bong defense. [ applause ] >> she threw it from a 30-story window. >> broken vase.

>> now broken. along with a couple of people. >> hal: it is a great way to get rid of a bong in a hurry if the cops are coming in the front door. it was a vase. you scared me. i was doing some -- i was watching a lot of hgtv. fell on my medication and swallowed a handful of it and then i dropped my vase bong, my vong, out the window. it is a vong. so you can hot box your flowers. >> stephanie: excuse me? pardon me? just woke me up. huh? >> it is a drunk term. >> hal: like when you get your dog high. college guys do that kind of stupid stuff. >> stephanie: i apologize. i'm grieving, as you know, the loss of michele bachmann. [ buzzer ] i'm in grief.

mourning the loss to comedy. michele bachmann retiring from congress. we have been monitoring marcus bachmann all morning. we hope he gets a new job. i hope he gets it. ♪ >> stephanie: we hid a microphone. ♪ i need a job ♪ ♪ i hope i get it ♪ ♪ how many people does he need ♪ ♪ i hope i get ♪ >> stephanie: i'm going to send him a new dance belt and some capezios. all right. hal sparks. sexy liberal where are you going to be? >> baltimore comedy factory this weekend thursday through saturday and then i'm at harrisburg p.a., in pennsylvania, on sunday. where the hell am i sunday? geez. i can't keep track. >> stephanie: chinese hacked that information. i'm at the baltimore -- i'll be doing my radio show from thom

hartmann's studio. always awesome because he has a green screen and it is hilarious. it is. >> fun with chromatics. >> hal: at the harrisburg comedy zone. >> stephanie: green screen yourself into that bush next to michele bachmann at the gay rights rally. i love you hal. that's it for us. thank you jim chris and t-bone. ç]

i'm jacki schechner. it is noon eastern. here's what's current. the big news today is michele bachmann is not going to seek re-election. she made the announcement by releasing an almost nine-minute video on her web site overnight. >> my good friends, after a great deal of thought and

deliberation, i have decided next year i will not seek a fifth congressional term to represent the wonderful people of the sixth district of minnesota. after serious consideration i am confident that this is the right decision. >> bachmann goes on to say this isn't because she doesn't think she can win if she runs again and has nothing to do with the fact that officials are investigating her former presidential campaign and campaign staffers for ethics violations. just last week, democrat jim graves who lost to